Schröedinger's Cat (France) | Grounding Through Reflections - Day 46 & 47

Today is Sunday, and tomorrow I must check out of my Airbnb and move on to my next destination. My immediate problem is that while consumed with wandering around the Toulouse area and writing about my travels, I have left myself little time to identify my next destination, accommodations, and, more importantly, how to get there. Traveling in France has presented me with several new challenges I didn't have in Ireland. First, public transportation makes traveling throughout France extremely accessible, but the trains can also be expensive, canceled, or sell out quickly, depending on the route and time of day. In addition, many train routes pass through a few critical cities; if I am not mindful, I can spend a lot of time and money by frequently passing through the same towns. Lastly, there are way more people that use the public transit system here in France.

Now all of this can be managed quickly enough; I simply need to allow myself time to plan while in France. But unfortunately, I find myself at odds with having to plan. Planning takes me away from what I enjoy doing, mainly wandering, writing, and being present with each experience. Regarding traveling, I much rather enjoy the opportunities that come with being flexible. Planning to me, in many ways, represents structure and rigidity that I want to free myself of during my travels. I do, however, recognize the importance of having some level of planning and appreciate what it offers me during my travels. So as you can see, I am conflicted today. 

This conflict came to a head today while trying to figure out my next step, and I found myself easily frustrated by many things, which, I am sure, were confounded by the 102 F (39 C) heat and my inability to sleep well in my current Airbnb in Toulouse. I have been blessed thus far and have found comfortable places that were reasonably priced. However, I made a bad call on this space. It was lovely in appearance and offered the amenities I wanted; however, I underestimated the heat and overlooked the sofa bed. My frustration is the culmination of many things, including a decision I made in haste. I expected the apartment to cool down before 3 am and the Ikea sofa bed to be much softer. For me, these are conditions that stand between me and restful sleep. Today they also contribute to my frustrations and inability to overcome the dilemma of Shroedinger's Cat. If you are unfamiliar with Schröedinger's Cat, it is a thought experiment in Quantum Physics that attempts to explain the potential of infinite possibilities collapsing into a single outcome. I love this metaphor for my conundrum and am especially fond of the poster above; it states...wanted dead AND alive. This reality, where a Cat is simultaneously alive and dead, can only exist so long as a choice to discover the Cat's fate is not made. Or, in my case, I can be everywhere and nowhere simultaneously, so long as I don't commit to a new destination.

The dilemma I am wrestling with today is best illustrated by a character named Griffin in the movie Men In Black 3. Griffin is the last member of the Archanan (Ar kane nee-an) race, therefore the last who can foresee infinite potential outcomes which depend on the actions taken in any given scenario. The New Yorker summarizes the character beautifully: "Griffin is a humanoid intergalactic alien who can see MULTIPLE versions of the universe. He can UNDERSTAND the complex INTERCONNECTIONS of different results, and therefore is rendered melancholy by his corresponding INABILITY to inhabit one reality FULLY at any given time."

There is one pivotal scene (photo above) in the movie: Shea Stadium, where, in the summer of 1969, the NY Mets miracle takes place. Alone in the stands in the middle of the night, Griffin gazes upon the empty field to "watch" the last game of the World Series play out when Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) and Agent J (Will Smith) from Men In Black join him. Griffin brings them into his vision. [through Griffin's eyes, J and K see the last game of the 1969 World Series playout] 

Agent J: So this is how you see things? This is amazing!
Griffin: It's a GIGANTIC pain in the ass, but it has its moments.
Agent J: Wait, this game doesn't happen 'til October.
Griffin: Oh, it's always October, November, March... so many futures, and they're all REAL. I just don't know which one will coalesce. Until then, they're all happening. Like this one, it's my favorite moment in human history. All the things that need to converge for the Mets to win the World Series. They were in last place EVERY single season until they WON it all (i.e., until they weren't).

Griffin personifies the dilemma, and this short animated video concisely explains the classic problem of Schröedingers Cat that I am struggling with. All options are available to me; I can relocate anywhere or nowhere. However, several options become unavailable once I commit to choosing a path. For example, if I migrate to the Northwest of France, then destinations in southeast France become largely inaccessible. I, like Griffin, am effectively frustrated by the endless choices and the infinite results that abound in my travels. After devoting more than 5 hours to this struggle, I leave the apartment in the early part of the afternoon. I still have not received confirmation nor booked a train ticket, and I am starting to feel uneasy about what lies ahead. Is this the right destination? Will I be in the same boat a few days from now? Is my trip becoming repetitive? What am I doing? Will I be able to find a last-minute train ticket? With these questions unanswered, I leave to find a place to sit with the frustration that I am feeling. Man, it is roasting hot today, and not even a lick of wind; the shade feels hot too!

You recognize what is happening, right? The Mind is trying to protect me again. I find help under the stars, I lean further into the discomfort and reflect on my experience. I dig deep into what I have accomplished and, more importantly, how I have felt while doing it. Below are the insights I gathered:

   1. I am frustrated by the heat; I must find ways to cool down

2. I feel disconnected from the natural world; I need to explore how to connect to the natural world in my travels.

3. "Rinse & Repeat" Travel is wearing me out; I need to slow down and add unique and diverse experiences to my agenda.

4. My recovery has dominated my travel over the last month; Now that I'm on the mend, it is time to add back a variety of activities.

5. There is a lack of stillness in my routine. I am always "doing"; I desire to return to daily meditation and make room for "not doing" and simply being.

6. Culinary experiences have become stale; I need to seek out new gastronomic experiences as part of my selection of destinations.

7. I am not currently sleeping well; I must prioritize comfort above price in my choice of accommodations. 

8. I have lost touch with my budget and spending; I need to reconcile my spending to understand my travels in France.

I believe it is important to ground myself periodically, especially when doubt creeps into my experience. Without doing so, it would be easy to become a bystander in my own experience, wrapped up in visiting beautiful places, so I could continue to have something to write about. I have already told myself that once this happens, the blog has no purpose, nor do my travels. I chose this experience to live a different style of life, not to fall back into patterns from a previous life. Grounding is the only way I can stay true to my intentions and ensure that I don't get swept away by constantly doing things.

Having devoted time to experiencing the uncomfortableness, I now understand why I feel this way. As a result, The Mind is now quiet again. The Mind has nothing to worry about when I am mindful of what the body tells me. This is one of the joys of being intuitively connected with my experiences. I allow myself the time to feel the discomfort, so I can understand it and find workable solutions. 

Around 2 am, I cannot sleep, and my phone alarm goes off. It's my Airbnb app. Unfortunately, my host, the second one I have tried today, will not be unable to accommodate my request to stay at her location due to a conflict over her work schedule. I feel a sense of relief. This didn't feel right. I remind myself that I am not interested in pushing a rope. I firmly believe that when things are right, they are easy, like when I pull on a rope. So I begin immediately making alternate plans; why not? It is too damn hot to sleep anyways. lol! About 30 minutes later, with complete clarity on what I must do, I have a place secured, and my 15 euro train ticket to Perpignan (pear pee nyahn), France, is booked. My Plan C came together quickly, and it feels right. This region of France offers me new experiences I am seeking, a room with a private AC unit to stay cool, and an opportunity to reconnect with the natural world. Over the next few days, I plan to re-group while breaking the night sweats and lack of sleep cycle I have followed since I arrived in Dublin.

The morning comes early, and I feel rested despite the lack of sleep. There are likely many reasons I feel somewhat rested, and I enjoy acknowledging all the possibilities. My choice to go to Perpignan is the right call. As I reflect on my decision, I recognize that it still allows Schröedinger's Cat to exist in multiple states, both dead and alive. lol! Meaning that though I will be on the coast, I am in an area that allows numerous future plans to still exist while also picking a finite reality. 

I hop aboard the SNCF train about 20 minutes before the departure time. Wow! Already it is a standing room only. This is going to be a long 3+ hr train ride. Below is the condition of the train once it finally moves. Notice the people, including myself, standing and sitting in the aisles and stairs. It stayed this way until Narbonne, France. I stood in the aisle with my pack at my feet for the two 2 hr trip to Narbonne. I could finally sit for the remaining 1.5 hrs as nearly 2/3rds of the passengers got off at Narbonne for connections. 

From Narbonne, we head south through Le Parc National de Narbonnaise en Méditeranée (Narbonne National Park of the Mediterreanean). The park comprises 80,000 ha (197,000 ac) of protected beaches, estuaries, and lagoons. Along the way, the train flushes several large groups of Greater Flamingo. Having recently molted, they are primarily white with pink hues, quite lovely actually. I am thrilled to see these magnificent birds for the first time today. Already I am feeling much better about my decision to relocate to Perpignan and am looking forward to what lies ahead in the next few days. The photo below was taken from eBird.org.