Nola (Italy) | Discomfort - 9 June, 2023

The city of Naples is preparing for a HUGE celebration tomorrow! Naples is expected to clinch their first Italian Soccer Championship in 33 years. The last time this happened, the city was gridlocked for the entire day due to the festivities!

I feel great this morning and enjoyed the cooking classes I took the last few days. This time in Naples, I enjoyed the city much more than the first time I visited. Unfortunately, the cost of rooms for tonight has doubled partly because it is the weekend and the expected festivities on Sunday (i.e., tomorrow). As a result, I decided to relocate for the night to the small nearby city of Nola. It will give me a chance to experience another city before leaving Italy. I don't have much planned for today other than enjoying writing on my blog and seeing what the day brings my way.

As I gather my things, I start chatting with Johana, a young German woman in her 20s. "Are you traveling by bike," she asks. Not at the moment, but I enjoy riding a lot, I reply. "I am looking for someone to ride with. I want to bike to Asia after I ride through Croatia, Greece, and Turkey. I really want to find someone before I go to Turkey. I think it would be better to be there with someone else," she says. I just met another German woman that is also riding a bike. Her name is Manuella. She is fantastic! Maybe she can help you? I tell Johana. She loves the idea, and I share Manuella's contact information before heading out. 

I enjoy helping connect with people I meet and find it interesting to do it more frequently now that I travel. This is something that I was missing before I started traveling. So, I texted Manuella and informed her that Johana may contact her for help and tips on biking in Italy. Then I grab my pack and walk to the train station to catch my train to Nola, Italy. 

Nola is about 30 minutes northeast of Naples. The short train ride allows me to easily return to Naples for my flight to Toulouse, France, tomorrow.

Because I am now flying out a day earlier to Toulouse instead of Bordeaux, France, I had to eat my reservation for Monday night in Naples. As per the Booking.com website, the place I had reserved had a strict no-refund policy. After weighing my options, I decided it was best to let it go rather than risk missing my arrival date to Plum Village.

The weather in Nola is fantastic when I arrive! It's warm with a slight breeze. Wow, there's a park adjacent to the train station! What a surprise, I tell myself. Now I want to find a sunny spot in the park and enjoy the sunshine before finding my way to my hotel.

In the middle of the park is a fountain with 8 park benches forming a large circle around the fountain. I notice only two benches are in the sun. I have my choice of where to sit. So, I find one that suits me in the sun. A few minutes later, an Italian man about my age sits on the other bench in the sun to my left.

We start chatting. He speaks a little French, and with the help of my Spanish (which is close to Italian) and Google Translate, we are having a simple conversation. I am enjoying the moment. It's not every day I share a conversation with an Italian stranger. "Do you want a cigarette," asks the man as he pulls out one for himself. No, I don't smoke, I reply. Our conversation continues, and he asks if it is ok if he moves closer and sits on the same bench as me. I nod yes and offer him a place to my left next to my backpack. It makes a lot more sense to share a conversation from the same bench rather than talking from 6 m (20 ft) away. 

We talk about many things, including life and work. "I am a physical therapist and live about 20 minutes away by train. I work here in Nola," the man says. As the conversation continues, I realize this was not what I expected to be doing when I walked into the park. But nevertheless, I am enjoying the company. We exchange basic information, "Are you married? Have kids?" he asks. I was married. No kids. It is what is enabling me to travel at the moment, I say. He tells me he is not married and does not have kids either.

Then he asks me a question that catches me off-guard. "Do you prefer men or women," he says. I pause. I am trying to comprehend what I just heard. "For me, men and women are equal," the man says as he makes a gesture of balance with his hands. Now I know I heard correctly. I respond firmly with, "Women." He then asks, "Why women?" This time I make it clear that I prefer women and am not interested in his proposal. 

Then I become curious about what I am sensing at the moment. This is a first in my travels, and it is entirely unexpected. I feel really uncomfortable now. It's an odd feeling I have not felt in a long time, despite my constant state of change while traveling. Sitting there, I am glad my backpack is between the man and me. I continue trying to understand how this experience is making me feel. I notice part of me wants to get up and leave immediately. I assess my situation, and this feels like a knee-jerk reaction.

On the other hand, the stranger has given me no reason to be worried about my safety and has been pleasant to chat with. I realize my being uncomfortable is not related to my safety. So I decide to stay and continue the conversation with him while I continue to explore why I feel uncomfortable. I want to see if this awkward feeling will pass. Our conversation resumes once I clarify that we have different desires. However, I find that I am more mindful of my responses now.

Thirty minutes pass, and I notice our conversation has finally waned, and I no longer have an interest in staying here. So, I check in with myself. I note that I still haven't enjoyed the peaceful rest I was looking for when I came to the park. I am also still uncomfortable. This feeling has yet to pass. So, this time, I stand up and end the conversation. I thank the man for chatting with me and wish him a good day. Then I grab my backpack and find my way to my hotel.

Later I reflect on my experience in the park. I believe there were several reasons why I could not get comfortable with the situation. First, I was surprised by the situation. This had never happened to me, whether or not I was traveling. Second, I was in a situation where cultural norms were unfamiliar and even unknown to me. Had I unknowingly walked into the park and a situation where this was typical behavior? Was this common in this city? Or had I simply crossed paths with the man at this specific moment? I could not decode the situation while I was in the park, so it was hard to know which direction I needed to go in to find balance. Thirdly, there was also a language gap. I was aware I wanted to be direct and not mislead the stranger. Yet I was also aware that this was more difficult because the ability to express myself in Italian, a language he understood, was limited. And lastly, I originally went to the park to enjoy a quiet moment, and I had yet to do that.

These factors combined created a situation where I had difficulty finding a familiar norm to anchor myself. I could not find a direction to move to establish balance except finally to leave. Even after I became aware of my discomfort and the situation, the unsettled feeling would not pass. Looking back now, it is easy to laugh at this experience.😂 Had I not felt utterly safe, I would have left immediately. The experience has me wondering if this is similar to a feeling women friends have often shared with me when they meet certain men? It also reminds me to be mindful when chatting with others and avoid creating uncomfortable situations. 

Strangely, I enjoyed finding myself in this uncomfortable moment. What I enjoyed most was being fully aware of my sensations while acknowledging my desire to react blindly to the situation. My initial response was to leave immediately. Yet I sat with the discomfort. It allowed me to explore many things. If I had been alone, I would have likely sat with this feeling until the discomfort left me. However, since I did not want to mislead the man, this was impossible in the moment. 

Later, I was able to experience a lovely meal while I was in Nola at a small organic restaurant. For dinner, I ordered seafood Ravioli. The pasta was stuffed with shrimp, clams, and fish baked in a wine sauce. The Ravioli was delicately sauced with an orange tomato and wine sauce. I enjoyed this meal, though the pasta was not quite as good as last night in Naples. Nevertheless, this gives me all sorts of culinary ideas, and I can't wait to make fresh Ravioli!